Just listen don’t fix

Effective communication illustrated through silhouettes, with sound waves emanating from one figure's mouth towards another's ear, emphasizing the importance of listening.

I want to share two different scenarios.

Scenario one: The Need for a Listening Ear

It had been a tough week. I have had some challenges. Some of these challenges are reoccurring and I know I need to change something but I have been putting it off but after the week I have had I definitely need to make some changes. I would like to speak to someone who would just listen not someone who would give me solutions or guidance. I want someone who will just listen to what I have to say. I basically want to unload with no interruption, suggestion or guidance but I know the moment I start talking to family or friends they would have a lot to say, “Why don’t you do this or that?” In this situation I know what I need to do but I just need someone to listen and afterwards if I need guidance I will ask for it.

Scenario two: Seeking Space and Quiet

I woke up this morning, did my usual routine and I felt this heaviness, I was thinking about the future and my thoughts were spiralling causing me to feel low. I tried to shake it off by having my favourite breakfast but I still felt the same.  I would like to have a quiet day; I don’t want to talk but I know I have to because my family was around and I needed to respond when they spoke to me. I could see the looks that I was getting from family, I could almost hear their thoughts; “why was he so sad? He is not himself”. There is something on his mind even though he says he is alright. I could see my loved ones itching to help, to offer solutions, suggestions and the like because that’s who they are.

The Human Tendency to Fix Rather Than Listen

I recently had a conversation with someone about the human tendency to want to fix rather than just listen. I am sure you are just as guilty as I am. Sometimes our friends and loved ones just need an attentive ear, they don’t want us to start planning and fixing their problems. I know that I am guilty of doing the same thing. Just listening does not give us that feeling of being productive or being helpful. We want to do something more tangible as this shows that we have helped and supported the person. What we don’t realise is that there are few people who are good listeners and a lot of people just need someone to listen and asking open ended questions so that the person knows that you are still there actively listening to what they are saying especially if it’s a phone call and they cannot see you.

Listening as Guided by Scripture

The bible tells us in James 1:19  that “everyone should be quick to listen and slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” How many times have we been in situations where we were very quick to give suggestions or give our two pennies worth in a situation and it ends up in disagreement, argument etc and the person who was already feeling low feels worse because we did not just listen and kept our solutions to ourselves until we were asked for it. Next time someone you know is in the above scenarios remember to just listen don’t try to fix the situation because that’s not what they need at that moment.

The Impact of Listening

I believe that if more of us practise just listening we would get more people talking and sharing how they are feeling which would help a lot of people.

A Challenge for You

My challenge to you in the coming days and weeks is, if someone wants to talk to you about something to just listen and don’t fix and see what happens.

Invitation to Share Your Experience

I would love to hear how you get on with that. Feel free to share with me.