Dealing with pain and hurt

The pain and the hurt may stay the same but your capacity will increase

As I reflect on the last five years I realised that I am in a better place than I was five years ago. I am in a better place than I was three years ago. I would like to say that this is only due to my strong faith in God but I would not be telling the complete truth. Faith is action, I am in a better place because I have been able to put into action what God has impressed on me even when I do not feel like taking a step forward, even when I felt like being alone, even when I felt like I have nothing left in me.

As I prepared for the launch of my third and final book in the Loss and Grief Series I also realised that apart from my faith in God, writing has really helped me to express myself. It has been a source to release my pain and hurt, to put down on paper my innermost thoughts, putting myself out there, being vulnerable. In being vulnerable I have become stronger and able to cope with all that I have had to face in the last five years.

I realised that in writing I empty myself of the negative feelings of pain and hurt. By emptying myself of these negative feelings I made room for positive feelings which came from helping others. I would not have realised the positive feelings if I had not done something to which created the outlet for the negative feelings. Basically, if I kept all the hurt in I would not have the mental capacity to help others.

Take for instance a bucket and a lot of soft balls. If all the soft balls are put in the bucket, the bucket does not have capacity for anything else. We can easily visualise a bucket full of balls even if we do not physically see it. If that bucket is full we cannot physically put anything it. Why? Because it is full. But if we empty it or remove some of the stuff in it we can definitely put more stuff in it. I see that bucket as myself.

Back in December 2020 I was full of pain and hurt, why did I lose Marley, why did I have to go through this pain? As I started to release that pain and hurt with journaling and later finishing the first book which I had started in 2019 I slowly created the capacity to help others, I slowly realised that the more I focus on helping others the better I felt about the loss and grief for Marley.

I realised that a new purpose was birthing in me. I could turn this pain around into something positive, a new purpose. Yes Marley was not coming back even though for months afterwards I kept thinking that the “real Marley” was going to walk through the door and say “mum, I am back, that was not me but someone who looked like me, an impersonator.” I soon realised that that was wishful thinking or my wild imagination.

Today I want to reach out to anyone who is going through some emotional or mental pain, a pain that cannot be seen but is felt in the same way as a physical pain. I want to encourage you to not stay in the moment of pain and hurt but to find your outlet. Maybe it is writing down your thoughts and emotions or it may be storytelling or it may be drawing, creating art. Whatever it is don’t sit on it because someone needs you, someone needs to read or hear your story, someone needs to see or resonate with your creativity.

For others it might be physical activity, running, swimming, climbing or hiking. Whatever it is find your thing, Your outlet that will enable you to release your pain and hurt and receive your healing and freedom.

Lastly I want to say that you are far stronger than you think you are. Some of the experiences you have gone through or are going through are because God knew you had or have the strength to go through it to be in a position to have the lived experience to be a blessing to someone else. There is nothing more powerful than someone counselling or coaching you who had walked in your shoes. Even if you don’t “wear the same shoes” you know that they can relate to the path you are currently walking on.

Get in touch to share your experience.