Fitting in or Standing Out

I saw these coconuts "standing out" at a supermarket because of their resemblance to sad faces.

I recently read a book titled "The Woman in 31” by Brenda Heron. It’s a memoir about her life but she also uses the book to decode the Proverbs 31 woman and how the verses and the numbers have been of significance to her life and brought her closer to what God is saying in her life. She definitely gave me a different perspective of the woman in Proverbs 31 and I would recommend it. The reason why I am making reference to this book is because of a statement that she made about fitting in or standing out which I reflected on and inspired this edition.

In my opinion I believe that in most situations we find ourselves that we are either trying to fit in or stand out. What do I mean by fitting in or standing out?

When we find ourselves in a group whether in school, in the workplace, in church or even in the home environment we either consciously or unconsciously take steps to fit in or we be our authentic selves which sometimes mean that we stand out. In these different environments we find the common ground that resonates with us rather than drawing attention to ourselves by putting forward what makes us different. If for example most people in the group watch a particular show or series on TV we would not necessarily stand out by saying that we don’t like that series or that show instead we would most likely share a programme or show that we watch that others may also watch to fit in.

After reading this statement in the book I started reflecting on how am I in the different groups I find myself. Do I share my opinion on certain topics or do I go along with the majority of the group so that I fit in rather than stand out. The actions that I take, do I take actions on what I believe in or do I follow the actions of rest of the group. On reflection I realise that I do fit in on some occasions because I could not be bothered to stand out and on most occasions I am bothered to stand out.

To stand out takes effort, I have to be prepared to respond or share my views, my opinions whilst to fit in is easier, not much effort is needed. If everyone says lets do this and I am the only one standing out by saying no, I have to be prepared to give a reason why I am saying no, it requires effort to respond and share why I have a different opinion to everyone else. Let me be clear, fitting in, in this context is not people pleasing but more about taking the easy way out because you don’t want to draw attention on to yourself.  You don’t want to be in the spotlight. You don’t want to be the one that always have a different opinion or want to do something different so “you go with the flow” as we usually say.

But if you keep “going with the flow” you do not show your authenticity. You deprive others of your unique side. We need a balance. On one hand we need others in the group to accept us for standing out rather than fitting in instead of trying to change us or always asking for a reason or for us to explain ourselves. I am speaking to myself on this because I know how many times I have wanted my husband or my son to fit in rather than stand out. The more I think about this the more I realise there is so much to this. I tend to go for brighter colours because I love brighter colours and therefore you will see me frequently in brighter and bolder colours and it has nothing to do with a desire to be noticed, in fact I get slightly bashful when someone pays me a complement because of my attire. On some occasions I have worn something not so bold or bright to “fit in.”

In conclusion I want to say, lets be our authentic selves and at the same time lets create the space for others to be their authentic selves. If someone wants to do something different or say something different lets not put them on the spot, lets accept them for who they are and here I am saying within common sense and within reason. We should also be aware of when someone who we are close to start being very different to what we know them for, that this is not about authenticity but something deeper and needs a closer investigation.

To finish on a quote from Brenda, “I am enough. I AM the Woman in 31.”

I would love to hear your views on this, get in touch.