It is Sunday and you are preparing stuff for your children for school the next day. Your eleven-year-old who recently started secondary school is dragging their feet to get their stuff ready for school. You have asked several times if they have homework which needs to be handed in and their response is a resounding no, “ I don’t have any homework,” why do you keep asking me the same question? “I already said I don’t have any homework.”
You ignore the rant and continue making sure that they have a clean uniform ready for the morning.
Monday morning your eleven-year-old is dragging their feet to get ready for school. You push them to move faster so that they can leave on time and not be late. They mutter to themselves quietly that they don’t want to go to school.
You check with them why they don’t want to go to school, their response is,
“I have told you, that I don’t Like that school, I don’t have any friends, I feel alone.”
You tell them that it is still early days yet they have only started going to the new school for the past three months and they need to adjust and get used to the bigger school and the unfamiliar surroundings. You acknowledge that this school, is much bigger than their primary school so it will take a while to adjust.
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday follow the same pattern of dragging of feet, reluctance to get ready for school and outbursts of not liking the school.
On Friday after school, you decided to take some time to have a one-to-one chat with your eleven-year-old. When they get home, you can see that they are in a mood, by the scowl on their face and the stumping of their feet as they go upstairs to their bedroom.
You follow them and they are not happy that you want to have a chat. You ask what happened at school, did they have a good day?
“Everyday is bad, I don’t like that school,” is their response. You ask them if it would be helpful to go to the school and get additional help but they immediately shut that down. They do not want school to know how they are feeling and they do not want you to speak to the school.
Its a dilemma for you as a parent. How do you navigate this situation?
On Saturday, it seems as if school is forgotten. Your eleven-year-old seems to be back to their normal self. Joining in family activities, having a laugh with the family and all seems well.
Sunday comes round and the sad and irritable eleven-year-old is back. You wonder what has brought the change from Saturday. You soon realise that it is the thought of going to school the next day that has brought back the change in personality.
This is the reality of some parents with their children especially after transitioning from primary to secondary school or from lower to middle school or from junior high to high school.
It can be a very trying time for parents, not knowing what to do, how to help and support your child.
I experienced this with Marley and that’s why I am an advocate for early intervention. For four years I thought he would adjust to the school and because he kept telling me he was alright, there was nothing wrong with him I did not seek outside opinion until he was very good at masking his issues. When he did have therapy it did not reveal that he was suicidal because he portrayed himself as alright.
As we approach this time of the year, it is very hard for me and my family but if I can help another family to seek early intervention for their child who may be showing; low mood, mood swings, anxiety in social settings, not just with people they have not met before but also with familiar friends and family I would feel that I am making a difference.
Early intervention is really important. It might be that there is nothing to worry about but you would not know that until you get a qualified practitioner to make that assessment.
I would like to hear from you. Please feel free to reach directly to me or leave your comments here.
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