Counting down to Christmas can be hard for most people who have lost a loved one especially if the loved ones birthday was around this time........

but you can make it bearable by bringing the memory of that person into this season also.

Counting down to Christmas is not for everyone

Taking time to remember what your loved one enjoyed and make it part of your Christmas season is one of the ways to make it bearable.

Creating new memories, starting new traditions and different things is also one of the ways you can have an enjoyable season.

2020 was a very tough Christmas season. I had started December looking forward to all the lovely things we would be doing and lovely food we will be eating for it all to be snatched away with the loss of Marley.

2021 was not any better as we could not do much different from the previous year because of COVID restrictions. We all ended up with COVID around Christmas and the only good thing was that we could still enjoy our food as we did not lose our sense of taste.

Counting down to Christmas can be hard if you have lost a loved one

2022 could have been the same as the previous year but I had been determined to do something different. Since the rest of my family was not keen on going away I made plans to go away the day after Christmas with some friends to the Caribbean and it was one of the best decisions I made.

2023 I wanted to get away around Christmas but it worked out that I had family coming over from Germany to visit until the New Year after which I would be going away for a wedding in Colombia.

Doing something different took away the sting of what it used to be like without Marley or the emptiness of him not being there.

2024 would also be different as we are having guests for Christmas staying over until the day after the New Year’s Day. Slowly the excitement of Christmas is coming back as I look forward to getting to know new people who have become part of our close family. I am getting a bit of excitement regarding putting up the Christmas decorations. Whilst the last three years I have not felt the urge to put lights outside our home, this time I feel the urge to do so and not just the ones we used to put out when Marley was here but to get new ones also.

If someone had told me two years ago that I would feel some excitement about Christmas I would say they do not know what they are saying. They do not know the pain and emptiness that I have felt since losing Marley. I can look back to where I have come from and I can only thank God for taking me to this point.

I hope and pray that none of you are going through or experiencing what I went through in December 2020 and the pain that I carry four years later. I can also give you some reassurance that it does get better.

This week was Marley’s 22nd birthday and it is still hard to think that I don’t get to see what he would have looked like but interestingly, leading up to the day I got to see someone on TV who looked so much like him or what he would have looked like at 21 going on to 22. God has a lovely way of giving us peace and answering the requests that we have not even asked.

So how are you coping with all the excitement of Christmas from friends and family?

Here are my tips:

Majendi's Tips for coping with Christmas if you have lost a loved one

Create boundaries of what you do or don’t do: I let people know in advance that December is a difficult month for me. This means that some of the things I would usually get involved in I don’t. I don’t want to be included in weekly or monthly rota in December as I don’t know exactly how I would feel around that time.

Create a space for yourself to reflect and recharge: This would not look the same for everyone. For me its about not getting overwhelmed with too many activities and events. I focus on the things that positive and give me hope.

Making myself available at my own pace: I have said this before but I want to say it again that doing something nice for someone gives me joy and happiness. I look for ways I can show kindness to others. This could be just having a coffee with someone or just carving time to listen to someone who is going through a crisis.

Be around people who uplift you: There are lost of people who are “Betty Downers” and it is best that you stay away from these people when you are going through a season which is challenging. Be selective of who you spend time with around this time. It is already a tough time and you don’t want it to get harder.

Let me know how you are coping if you lost someone around the Christmas season. I would love to hear from you