Tips for Celebrating Birthdays and other anniversaries after loss of a child by suicide
- majendij
- Oct 7, 2024
- 4 min read
The first year after losing a child by suicide is very hard to get going. As the birthdays and anniversaries approach there is a heavy feeling in your stomach as you wonder how you are going to get through this occasion without your child. You sway between wanting to mourn or be happy and guilt takes hold of you as on one hand you don’t think you should be happy because they are not here but on the other hand you want to learn to live without them being physically here and celebrating birthdays or anniversaries in whatever form it takes is the first step in that journey.
I am asking you about this and thinking about this because very recently I celebrated my birthday. It is now four years since I lost my youngest son Marley to death by suicide and it is still hard but it gets better each year. That does not mean that there will come a time when I would not think about him on my birthday or other anniversary.
The first year was tough because the passing is so fresh, the memories from the previous year when he was with us was still very fresh in my mind. I was constantly re-living the timeline in my mind of what we were doing whilst Marley was here for my last birthday but not realising at the time that it was the last birthday I would celebrate with him.
I am the type of person who enjoys celebrating my birthday. I believe that it is the day God brought me into this world, it is my day and I should be glad because of it. Though life may not be a bed of roses, it is the day that I started life on earth. I believe that you should always recognise the day in whatever shape or form, it can be cooking a nice meal at home or planning an experience day with a close friend or a bigger group.
That first birthday after losing Marley I cooked my favourite meal for the family as I knew there would be quite a few people stopping by to check in on me as I had expected it to be an emotional day. God in his goodness helped me to enjoy the day by showering me with so much love through friends and family that I did not have time to feel melancholy.
Since then, I have planned something with the family every year but this year I went away for the day to have a makeover and a photoshoot with one of my close friends. The start of the day was a bit emotional for reasons which I will share in another post but after this the day progressed to be a memorable one.
I have a few tips for celebrating birthdays and anniversaries after you losing your child by suicide;
I am one of those people who keep my birthday cards, ok I don’t keep every card but I do keep the ones which are very dear to me and any cards which are unique or stand out from the others because of the words or the card itself. I don’t throw these cards away and because of this I have some of the birthday cards and Mother’s Day cards Marley had given me over the years. On my first birthday after Marley passed I could get one of the birthday cards he had given me and put it out with the others I received. For me, I felt that even though he was no longer here he was still part of my birthday.
Plan to Celebrate
As I already said, on that first birthday I cooked my favourite meal, a meal that I enjoyed and the family also enjoy eating as it would be sad if I am the only one eating it. We also reminisce a bit about what Marley usually did especially leading up to my birthday his older brother would be reminding him to get me a card and a little something with his money from the paper round he did. I have always been someone who would always do something on my birthday from trips to away to cities like Paris, Barcelona or just inviting a few friends round to having a SPA day or cooking and eating my favourite meal with the family. It is a time to celebrate and create memories and this a very important to me.
Capture the memories
It might be the last thing that you want to do but you will not regret it. I took photos on the first birthday after his passing and I have been taking photos every year with this year being a more professional photoshoot. When I look back at those photos it shows me where I have come from in my grief and loss. It will always be with me but I am continuously increasing my capacity to handle it. Its a journey and it is always good to look back and see how far you have come along the way. Life still goes on and I want to go on with it but never without Marley as I take him along with me in my heart and the memories from years gone by.
I hope these tips on celebrating your birthday after losing a child to suicide help you to cope.
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